We have suffered a fire at home. I’m fine, but the fright was horrible and now our home is disabled by the blackness of the smoke. But as in cancer it all comes down to the same thing … to rise from the ashes, give thanks for being alive and start over. What I most feel is that blow to intimacy , to your microworld. I already knew it and he did too but now that we have nothing material we know that the real refuge is your partner .
My biggest drama with cancer has been to see my self-esteem sometimes reduced to ashes and he has been my magic mirror, the one that has made me feel the most beautiful in the kingdom. But today I have shown that the protagonism of this disease is shared and that often although there is communication , there are always things to say and sometimes our companions leave feelings in the background because the main ones are us.
Today at 5 o’clock she had the initiative to register for the GEPAC conference ” My wife has breast cancer, what can I do? “ And has listened carefully and a notebook all the guidelines given by the wonderful psycho-oncologist Fatima Castaño (whom I know personally) to accompany us in this process. I recommend that you listen to yourselves the conference that will be uploaded in the next days http: / /mama.gepac.es/ and all those that will be taught this week to mark the celebration of International Breast Cancer Day .
Fatima has given you some guidelines to help us . He has spoken of the blockade , of denial , sadness , guilt , uncertainty , anxiety , fear and irrationality . Do they sound true ?, They are not exclusive to us, they can also feel them. It has encouraged them to accompany us, to facilitate the handling of these emotions in the end to support us but with expert guidelines, which in many cases the goodwill we all show is not enough.
He has informed them that they allow us to cry and to let off steam and that they also allow it . A phrase he has pointed out is that sadness is not a sign of weakness ; we must allow the expression and avoid the cliches or the phrases made of the “could have been worse” type. Not trivializing , nor underestimating our concerns.
Maintain a communication oriented to reality without imposing it and adapting it to our rhythms of assimilation . Without value judgments , facilitating the taking of our decisions being participants with us at every step. This is the key point since communication facilitates aspects such as self-esteem and sexuality (which are greatly altered by our self-image ) helping us to assimilate our changes in a realistic way but without underestimating them . They have to favor the moments of intimacy in order that we feel unique the most beautiful for them . And at this point I come to what has happened to us tonight; Telling me, showing this little summary of all the things that Fatima has told us, we have touched the good perfection “our perfection” since we have not been ill, that is relieved and the caregiver that sustains, if not a team.
I feel like a different woman, but today I have seen that he also feels that way and that sharing that difference, going hand in hand makes us reinforce the good things that we keep and those that we have now. Making the losses easier
Life brings many fires but having a good expert to make the damage and an extraordinary repair team means that even if there are some sequels, things are even better than at the beginning